Sharp Enough to Feel
by USMA2020
Summary: Cor doesn't know how to deal with what happened before he ran away. Now in Archenland he begins to develop bad habits. Will he be able to overcome it, with the help of his family and four Narnian monarchs? Or will his mistakes take over his life? Rated T for content, nothing inappropriate, just intense.
1. What To Do

Disclaimer: I (Ashleigh) do not own Narnia. If I did I would be there not here writing about it. And I couldn't write about it and post it here because Narnia does not have internet. (Although it would be fun if it did there are some people I would love to talk too.)

Cor grimaced as he pulled the knife across his wrist, watching the blood slowly ease out. He heard the bushes rustle and looked nervously around. Ever since he had come to Archenland he had been under nearly constant surveillance, which made it extremely hard to get away when he needed to, as he did for this. Even though he didn't want to do it, he felt like it was the only thing he could do. He had to handle this himself. He could not let anyone know how bad things had been for him and how much of a toll it had taken on him. He had to keep everyone from knowing.

As he quickly pulled his sleeve down and walked nonchalantly back inside the castle, he pushed aside thoughts of what his father and Corin would do if they found out that this was how he had been handling things. He had to keep them from knowing. It would upset them terribly. He knew that he should not do it. What reason did he have anymore. Before, when he was pretty much a slave, it was understandable, but now he was royalty. Royalty wasn't supposed to cut. Yet how many times, had he slipped away from this meeting or that function to cut himself. At night he tossed and turned with nightmares of being hit by that man again. But even when his father, or his twin brother Corin woke him up, there were still nights that it felt so real. Maybe that was because it had been real at one point. He hated doing it, and he knew how badly it would upset his father and his brother if they found out.

The fifteen year old shook his head, and pulled himself out of his reverie. There was no reason to think about what would happen if they found out, because they wouldn't find out. How could they? He never did it in public. He wondered what he would do about covering his arms when summer came, but again he shook himself. He could surely be able to stop by then. Couldn't he?

Never mind, he would deal with that when it came. Right now it was the middle of winter. He was finally able to do pretty much what he wanted, aside from his lessons, and he had an entire kingdom to explore. Kingdom? What was he thinking? It wasn't his kingdom. What had he done to earn it? Maybe that man had been right. Maybe all he was good for was... "No," he exclaimed to himself. "No," he said this time a little more quietly. He pushed the thoughts out of his mind. No one was worthless, no matter what he had been told.

Later that day, Cor sat with his brother, Corin, in the garden. After being out there for a few moments Corin jumped up and started to climb up a tree. About half way up, he looked down and asked, "Cor, aren't you coming up?"

Cor shook his head. He was worried about his arm getting knocked. It was pretty sore already, and if it were to get knocked around to much one of the cuts might open up, and then what would he do? He hated living like this. It had to stop soon. "I don't think so."

"Why not, Cor? You liked it when we were first back here. Don't you like it anymore?"

"Yeah, I just... I...,"

"Cor," Corin started climbing down here. "What's wrong. I know something is the matter. Why won't you tell me? Don't you trust me? Cor, please..." Corin was down now, as his voice trailed off.

"Corin, it isn't that I don't trust you,"

Corin cut him off. "Then what is it? I know something is wrong. Don't lie to me. You might not have been here that long, but I know you. Please Cor, you can trust me. If you don't want me to tell then I won't."

"Soon, Cor, but not yet. I am just not ready. Okay?"

"Okay, but please do tell me soon. I really want to be able to help you." Corin smiled at his brother. He was worried about him. He had not been acting normal lately.

"Okay. On second thought maybe it would be fun to climb trees." Cor smiled. He would just have to be careful of his arm and hope that none of the cuts opened. The last thing he wanted was to have to tell before he quit. Besides, how would people react, if they found out that the crown prince of Archenland cut himself on purpose because he could not deal with things in a normal way? Just the thought of it scared him.

A/N: So what did you think? I know that I may not make people happy with this one, but my goal is to help people who struggle with this, or other addictions by writing this. I am writing this for everyone, but that is my goal in writing this. Please review and let me know what you thought. I will try to update as soon as possible, at least weekly, but I am really busy, so please know that I am doing my best.

A/N 2: Please feel free to PM me if there is anything I can do to help you. I am open to talk, or whatever you need, and I will do my best to help you. Don't be afraid to talk to me if you are struggling with things. I have messed up too, but you know what? God is a forgiving God and no matter how much or how many times we mess up, if we come back to Him and ask His forgiveness, He WILL forgive us. Again, if there is anything I can do, please let me know. And whoever you are, please know that I am praying for you.

God Bless You,  
Ashleigh


	2. A Visit From The Narnian Monarchs

Disclaimer: I (Ashleigh) do not own Narnia. If I did I would be there not here writing about it. And I couldn't write about it and post it here because Narnia does not have internet. (Although it would be fun if it did there are some people I would love to talk too.)

Two days later Cor and Corin were inside the castle playing chess. Both were excited because the Narnian monarchs were coming. They had come to see them more as friends than as monarchs from another country. Both Cor and Corin looked up to them, especially High King Peter and King Edmund.

However for Cor there was one big problem. Both kings were especially attentive to him and his brother. That meant that there was a good chance that he would get caught. He really was scared of that happening. He would rather have them catch him than his father or Corin, but both would find out if either of the two Narnian kings caught him or saw his arms. It had gotten where his left arm was covered in cuts, so he had started cutting his right arm. Using his left hand was a bit awkward, but it was managable. This meant that if either of his arms were exposed he would probably be caught. He knew he had to stop soon, but he just didn't know how. He had cut four seperate times with multiple cuts each time in the last two days and both of his arms were extremely sore. He hated cutting himself most of the time, but when he got the urge to do it, he wanted to, even though he knew that he should not and if he were to be honest with himself, when he did it, deep down he did not want to. Part of him wanted to, part of him did not. How are you supposed to so what is right when you cannot even tell what you want to do and what you do not want to do?

He was jarred from his thoughts by an irritated Corin's words, "Are you even interested in this? I told you that it was your move."

"Sorry," Cor said quietly. How could he have been so dumb? He was too sensitive, he knew, but it still hurt, even though it shouldn't have.

Half an hour later Cor and Corin were still sitting there, now finishing the game of chess. It was Cor's move when Corin glanced out the window and then, jumping up said, "They're here, they're here!"

Corin was already running down the stairs by the time Cor was out of the room. He was still nervous about the visit. High King Peter and King Edmund always made a point to spend time with him and Corin. He hadn't been able to convince himself that everything would be okay. He was almost scared.

By the time he had gotten downstairs the four monarchs and their guards were all getting off of their horses. His father was already greeting them and Corin was hugging them. But Cor simply stayed back a bit and watched. Finally, a couple of minutes later, Corin looked at him impatiently and he walked over to greet them.

What Cor didn't know, was that as he walked over to greet them, his sleeve had slipped up just a bit. Just enough for Peter and Edmund to notice and they did. Exchanging a glance, the two kings said what words could not, where they were. They were going to have to have a talk with Cor. It wouldn't be fun, but it was neccessary, and they both hoped that it would do some good.

A/N: I know it was short, but it the chapters will get longer as the story goes on. So what did you think? Do you have any ideas? I would love to know what you think. I appreciate reviews, they encourage me to keep writing.

A/N 2: New poll up, and it is up. I apologize for the delay, but I have been having computer trouble.

A/N 3: A Narnian Mystery was updated this morning and it should be updated again tomorrow, hopefully with a longer chapter. Thanks for reading.

God Bless You,  
Ashleigh 


	3. Conversation part 1

Disclaimer: I (Ashleigh) do not own Narnia. If I did I would be there not here writing about it. And I couldn't write about it and post it here because Narnia does not have internet. (Although it would be fun if it did there are some people I would love to talk too.)

That night Cor was sitting in his room thinking about what he was going to do the next day and praying to Aslan, quite literally, that he would be able to get by without cutting. With his busy schedule it would be hard to find an excuse to get away. He knew he had to do something soon before someone found out.

At that moment Cor heard a knock on the door. He quickly hurried to hide the knife that he had been contemplating using and pulled his sleeve down. At that moment he heard a voice that sounded like High King Peter's.

"Cor, you don't have to hide anything." Yes, that was definitely High King Peter's voice and he sounded worried.

"Please let us in Cor. Like Peter said, you really don't have to hide anything. We just want to talk to you." King Edmund, and he too sounded worried.

Cor glanced worriedly at the door as he started to pull down his sleeve. They both sounded as if they knew something. But there was no way they could. He had only seen them a couple of times, and there was no way they could know. They would have confronted him if they had noticed before and he had only seen them during this visit when they arrived. There was no way... He slowly turned the key to unlock his door, but his heart was heavy. If they knew, then he was in trouble. Slowly, he opened the door.

"Cor," Peter said softly, "Is it okay if we come in and talk to you for a few minutes?"

Cor simply nodded and let them in. "High King Peter, King Edmund, I can explain, I..."

Peter cut him off gently, "Cor, don't try to until you know exactly why we are here. Although, I suspect you are pretty sure why."

Edmund gently reached over and put a hand on Cor's shoulder. "Why don't we sit down and talk?"

Cor complied, but he wasn't sure how to start.

"Cor," Peter said softly. "When we first got here, your sleeve was up and we couldn't help but notice."

"Cor, I don't know exactly what you went through before your family found you. But I do know that cutting isn't going to help things. You have to believe that you will be okay, and that you haven't done anything wrong. I KNOW you think you have, but it is simply NOT true. Do you understand me?" Edmund was almost screaming at this point. What he hadn't noticed was that Cor was pulling away and was almost cowering as he pulled as far away as possible.

Peter had quickly moved next to Cor and gently pulled him away from Edmund. Edmund would never hurt Cor intentionally, both Edmund and Peter, saw Cor and Corin as younger brothers, but in Edmund's worry, he had a way of getting rather rambunctious. But Peter could see that, whatever Cor had been through it had deeply affected him and he seemed to be very nervous, even now, seven months later. "Cor it's okay. I know you are nervous about talking to us, but you need to let us help you." Peter's voice was not only calm and even, but also gentle.

Edmund had quickly realized was going on and had put a firm hand on Cor's shoulder. "I hope I didn't upset you too much. I was just worried about you."

Cor took a deep breath and said simply, "It's okay. And King Peter..."

Peter raised a hand, "Before you say anything else please drop the titles."

Cor smiled sheepishly, "Okay. I know I need to talk about it. I just don't really know where to start."

Edmund listened intently and then responded after a moment, "My suggestion would be to start from the beginning."

Cor looked at him apprehensively, "The beginning? Of what?"

"Whatever started this whole thing. Why? When? How? That would be a good start. And I think you will find it easier than you think to talk once you start." Peter gave Cor's shoulder a squeeze. Both he and Edmund saw Corin and Cor as their younger brothers, and were very worried about Cor.

"Peter, Edmund, I don't know where to start. It is kind of a long story and it is really complicated."

"Come on Cor. Edmund and I aren't going anywhere. We have time to listen. Just start somewhere and you can give us the details as you go."

"Well, I guess I guess it was all because of what that man did to me. It was so horrible. He hurt me and I just took it. He pretty much treated my like his personal slave. I was so scared and all I could do was let him do it. He hit me sometimes. I was so shocked when I got here and everyone treated me so nice. I couldn't get the things he told me out of my head. He called me names and treated me horribly. I knew that the words weren't true, but when I got here, I didn't think I was good enough to be here." Cor paused for a few minutes trying to think of what to say next.

Edmund took that as an oppurtunity to speak. "Cor, I want you to know that isn't true. You are not worthless. I don't care what he told you, it isn't true. Your'e right, the only reason he wanted you was to treat you like a slave. But your family wants you because they love you. I know it's hard to understand, but it will be okay. Please know that what he did to you wasn't right, that what he told you wasn't true, that the way he treated you was wrong. I know it's hard, but you will be okay. Even though it is hard now, you will be okay."

Peter cut Edmund off, and interjected, "Edmund is right. You have to believe that Cor. I know this is hard for you, and I cannot claim to understand, but you CAN stop."

Cor didn't let the two Narnian kings continue. "I guess I can. But I don't know how to deal with things if I don't cut. I am scared to stop cutting and scared not to."

A/N: Aren't I mean, cutting it off like that? I will update soon, just as soon as I finish the next chapter of A Narnian Mystery. Thanks for reading and I would really appreciate a review. I will update regardless, but they encourage me to keep writing.

If you haven't voted in the poll yet, please do so. It is very important to how this story and A Narnian Mystery will be updated.

God Bless You,  
Ashleigh 


	4. Conversation Part 2

A/N: Thanks so much to LadyAlambielKnightofNarnia for her help on this story and to WillowDryad who gave me the idea for this story.

Disclaimer: I (Ashleigh) do not own Narnia. If I did I would be there not here writing about it. And I couldn't write about it and post it here because Narnia does not have internet. (Although it would be fun if it did there are some people I would love to talk too.)

* * *

"I can see why that would be hard, Cor." Edmund reached over and gently squeezed Cor's shoulder.

"Cor, I want you to know that we are here for you. I can't imagine how hard for you this must be." After this Peter was at a loss for words.

Cor just sat there. He didn't know what else to say. He was so ashamed of himself. And not only because of the fact that he cut and that Peter and Edmund had found out, but also because he was trembling with fear after their talk. He was so scared about what they would think, what people would think. He was grateful that they had tried to be so understanding, but he was still trembling with the remains of the fear of telling that had gripped him for so long. But now that it had come out, he was scared, but he was also relieved that someone finally knew. He was still scared though. What if they went to his dad? And then what about Corin? He wouldn't hurt them for anything in the world. They were his family. They had taken him in, even though he had been gone for so long and he didn't know them; they didn't really know him then either. Then he stopped his train of thought. And more importantly, did they even know him now? He had tried to be as honest as possible, but he knew that it would hurt his dad and Corin badly and he loathed the thought of doing that. But he did want his family to know him. He didn't want secrets anymore, he knew that. But that meant telling them the details of what had been done to him. He pulled back slightly at the thought.

Peter and Edmund were both looking anxiously at Cor. "Is everything okay Cor?" Edmund asked worriedly.

"I... I just... How am I going to tell Dad? And eventually Corin? And?" With that Cor began to cry silently.

Peter gently slipped his arms around Cor while Edmund started to rub Cor's back. He wasn't the best at it, but he had had some experience between the girls and Edmund, especially when they were younger. Cor just buried himself against Peter and cried.

While they had never done it formally, Peter and Edmund had pretty much started acting like brothers to him from the day he had met them. While they hadn't given him any advice yet, they seemed very protective of him and they were working so hard to make sure that he was okay. So now, as Peter pulled him close and Edmund was rubbing his back, he was really starting to feel as if he had two older brothers. So closing his eyes, he leaned a bit more against his 'brothers' and let himself cry.

* * *

A/N: I know, short but sweet, literally. But by finishing this up tonight, I should be able to spend tomorrow working on A Narnian Mystery, and Sunday on this again. Hopefully there will be another chapter of this up Sunday. Please let me know what you think. I got the idea for this chapter from a suggestion from WillowDryad. I really do try to make use of the reviewsI get. Constructive criticism welcome.

New Poll: Please vote and let me know what you think about chapter length.

A/N 2: Please check out my story on FictionPress. I would love to know what you think. It is a completed book, that I will be published soon, so I would love some feedback.

A/N 3: I feel that it is time for my readers to know where this story came from. Many of my reviewers already know. I struggled with this for 7 months before deciding to stop on July 4th. I have messed up a couple of times, but it has been 17 days (as of 8/31/12), and the feelings I wrote into this chapter for Cor was based on my experience of telling someone other than an online friend for the first time Wednesday. I hope this helps people and please feel free to talk to me if there is anything I can do.


	5. Time to Tell?

Disclaimer: I (Ashleigh) do not own Narnia. If I did I would be there not here writing about it. And I couldn't write about it and post it here because Narnia does not have internet. (Although it would be fun if it did there are some people I would love to talk too.)

Two days later Peter was out in the palace garden with Cor.

"I just don't know if I can do it. I am so..." Cor paused not sure what to say next. Finally he continued, saying, "I guess I am just scared. I don't think I am ready yet."

"Cor, I can see why you would be scared. But you have to know that it is going to be okay. No one is going to be angry with you about this. It would be approached differently if your father was doing something to trigger it, but..." Peter knew that this wasn't it at all, but he was trying to make Cor see the truth.

"That is not it at all! I just don't want to hurt Dad and Corin."

"I know that, Cor. But not telling them, especially your father is going to hurt them more. If that is the main thing you are worried about by telling your father, is that it will hurt him, then you do need to tell him. I think he would be really hurt if you didn't tell him and he found out another way." Peter stopped, trying to figure out exactly how to word it to persuade Cor to go to his father. He didn't want to threaten to go to Lune, but he couldn't just leave Archenland, knowing that no one knew what Cor had been doing to himself.

Then Peter realized what he needed to do. He needed to pray about it. He turned slightly away from Cor, and prayed in a bare whisper, "Aslan, please show me what to do. I need Your help to show me how to help Cor. He needs to talk to Lune, but he won't. Aslan, please show me how to convince him. And please show Cor what he needs to do. Amen."

Peter turned back to Cor, and as he did, he realized what he needed to say. "Cor, would you like me to go with you when you tell your dad?"

Cor looked down not sure what to say. On one hand, he was scared of his father's reaction when he found out, but on the other, what would he think if his father knew that he had gone to someone else before he had gone to him? Slowly he managed to say, "I think I would like that. But would you tell him that you figured it out?"

"Sure, Cor. But do you mind if I ask why?"

"I..." Cor's voice faltered. "I don't want him to think I came to you instead of him. It is not that I don't like you, it's just that, I don't want to hurt my dad. It isn't his fault and I just don't want to hurt him any more than I am already going to when I tell him this."

"I can see why you would feel that way." Peter's voice was sympathetic. "Of course I will. And I am ready to go with you whenever you are. I don't care if you get ready in he middle of the night I will be more than happy to go with you."

"Peter?"

"Yes Cor?"

"I think I might be ready now."

A/N: Well what did you think? Please leave me a review and let me know. They encourage me to write. I am hoping to update again by Monday.

A/N 2: If you haven't already, please check out my other story A Narnian Mystery. Also please be on the lookout for a fun, sibling one-shot Monday.

M ge Der L we With Sie und Seine Segnungen auf euch,  
Ashleigh 


	6. Talking with Dad

By the time Peter and Cor were on their way to talk to King Lune, Peter was practically dragging Cor. They kept having to stop and talk through the same thing over and over again. It wasn't that Peter minded, though. He was really feeling sorry for Cor. He could see the fear in Cor's movements. And while he didn't know exactly what Cor had been through, he knew enough to know that the whole thing of telling his father was absolutely nerve-wracking for Cor. Peter gently wrapped an arm around his 'little brother' and squeezed his shoulders gently. "Cor, you don't need to be afraid." Peter's voice was gentle, although he was saying pretty much the same thing he had said every time Cor acted as if he wouldn't go any farther. It felt like they would never even get to Lune's office, let alone talk to him if Cor didn't stop acting the way he was. But Peter still kept a large measure of compassion in his voice, as he gently led Cor towards their destination.  
Cor couldn't help it. He really was frightened. He so badly loathed the thought of upsetting his father that he was shaking with fear the closer they got to where they knew his father was. "I know that I shouldn't be so afraid. And I know that I am just repeating myself, but what if my dad gets mad at me? I mean, after all that he did for me, even after I grew up so far away from here, why wouldn't he be mad. He did all this for me, and how do I return it, but to do this to myself, when both Dad and Corin have made such a big deal out of how much they love me. I just don't want to hurt my dad and I don't want for him to be angry with me." Cor couldn't even meet Peter's eyes now. He knew that he was just being silly. The whole thing was silly. As he had just said, he came back, and his family accepted him and gave him everything; love, protection, everything he needed physically. They had given him a family for the first time in his life, and he went and acted like he was still back with that man. He couldn't even understand why he did it, himself.

"Cor, I have said it before, and I will say it again: your dad loves you. Of course he accepted you, you are his son. It wasn't your fault that you were kidnapped when you were a baby. Your father loves you. And looking ahead to when you tell Corin, your brother does too. They don't love you because of anything you have done, so it stands to reason that they aren't going to stop loving you because of anything that you haven't done. Believe me Cor, your dad is not going to be mad at you." As they talked Peter had been carefully maneuvering Cor, so that they were slowly strolling towards their destination. Peter almost regretted the way he had done it though, when they reached the door. As Peter reached up to knock, Cor began to visibly shake at the prospect of explaining the whole thing. Peter gave Cor's shoulders another squeeze as Lune opened the door.

Lune had been buried in his work lately. When he heard a knock on the door, all he could do was hope that it wasn't more. "Oh. Cor, Peter, won't you come in?" Lune wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he did know that something wasn't right. His son seemed so visibly shaken.

After they had sat down, Lune asked worriedly, "What is going on? Is everything okay? Cor?"

"I.." Cor began, but he trailed off, still not sure of exactly what he should say. He looked over at Peter, who smiled reassuringly at him. "I have something to tell you." Cor was trying to think of what to say next when his father spoke.

"What is it, son? Is everything okay? Whatever it is, I want you to know that I am here for you." Lune was definitely worried about his son. He had only gotten him back so recently. He hated the thought that Cor might be unhappy.

While unexpected, his father's words had greatly reassured the extremely nervous crown prince. "I just don't want you to be mad at me." As much as he hated to admit it, even to his own ears he had sounded weak and unsure of himself when he had said it.

Well, I am not going to be mad at you, son. My guess is that it is not even something to be mad about. And even if it is, I would have been much more upset if you had NOT come to me. I want you to always know that you can come to me no matter what it is. I love you, and there is absolutely nothing that you can tell me that will change that. Lune gave his son a half of smile, but he was extremely upset. This whole thing... One of the things that bothered him the most was that Peter had come with Cor. That just didn t seem right. It was as if Cor was afraid to come to him alone. Lune hoped more than anything that that wasn t the case. He absolutely hated the thought that he had done something to make his son afraid to come to him alone.

I... Cor stopped again. He could see how worried his father was. What was it going to do to him when he found out what his son had been doing. But he had to go through with it. Now that he had come this far, there was no way out. And even if there was, and he decided not to tell his father, he knew that Peter and Edmund wouldn t leave until they were sure that he was alright. Therefore, they wouldn t leave until they were completely sure that Lune would be able to handle him and deal with everything, in order to help him. Oh, if only he had stopped sooner. Then it wouldn t be so hard. Then all he would have to show his father would be scars. But then, no, if he had stopped sooner, Peter and Edmund wouldn t have noticed and he never would have had to hurt his family by telling them in the first place. I don t know exactly how to say it. I mean... I just...

What is it, son? Please don t be afraid to tell me.

Peter wasn t sure exactly what to do, but finally he reached over and forced Cor to push his sleeve up.

King Lune was shocked at what he saw, although he wasn t sure exactly what it was. Cor! He gasped. I don t understand. Did that man that did all those other things... his voice trailed off. He didn t know exactly what to say.

Cor looked even more upset now. Obviously this hadn t been the thing to say. No. I...

Peter looked calmly at Lune, I think what he is trying to say is that no one else did that to him.

Oh Cor, Lune wasn t sure exactly how he was supposed to respond. You did it to yourself?

All Cor could do was nod guiltily and miserably.

Cor, I, Lune stopped, trying to figure out exactly what to say next. Did I do something to make you feel this way? Are you not happy here? Why Cor? And under his breath he added and what did I do wrong?

Nothing. I knew it is horrible, and you have every right to be disgusted with me. But, for what it is worth I didn t just go to Peter and Edmund before you. They figured it out when they saw my arm. I am so sorry. I know it is awful. Cor dropped his head in shame.

Seeing the expected compassion in Lune s eyes, Peter had quietly stood and slipped out of the room about half way through Cor s monologue.

Lune got up silently and moved to sit down next to his son. Gently he pulled Cor into a hug. I am so sorry that this happened. But you have nothing to feel bad about. I am most certainly not disgusted. I hate the fact that I ever gave you any reason to think that I was. It doesn t really matter that you went to them. I am just glad that you are able to talk about it. You have nothing to be sorry for. Yes it is wrong, but it isn t anything you did wrong. There are times that you can t help the way you feel.

Peter was leaving the room at this point, but he smiled as he heard it. This would take time, but with his dad s help, and eventually his brother s help, Cor would be OK. Peter was glad to have this kind of news to report to Edmund. He knew that Edmund had been just as worried as he had been about Cor.

Cor was shocked at his father s reaction. He had expected his father to be absolutely furious with him, and rightly so. What Cor hated was that his father seemed to feel that he had done something wrong. Then Cor remembered that his father had asked him if he was not happy there and he knew he had to respond. He couldn t go on allowing his father to feel that he wasn t happy there. And it isn t that I am not happy here. I don t really know exactly what it is. I just do it. After I do it, I know that I shouldn t have, but I guess it feels good while I am doing it. I don t even really know. But I really do like it here. This is by far the nicest place I have ever lived.

His son s words nearly broke Lune s heart. He could tell that Cor didn t know what to do. And the part about it being the nicest place he had ever lived... Yes, Lune knew that it was a castle, but the way Cor had said it, Lune knew that the man who had kept his son convinced that he was his father had not only treated him awful, but he had never given him enough of anything either. As hard as Lune tried, he couldn t help but finding himself having a hatred for the man who had dared to harm his son, as he had. Lune pulled Cor a little closer, finding himself wanting to let Cor know that he truly was loved. Cor, he said gently. I don t know why you do it either, but I want you to know that I am here for you. No matter what. If you ever feel like cutting yourself, I don t care when it is, I want you to know that you are free to come to me. And when you feel like talking to me, about what happens around the time that you do it, or about what happened before... His voice trailed off there. He wanted to know what had happened to his son, but he could tell that it was a hard topic for him. Just whenever you are ready, or whenever you need anything, I want you to know that you can come to me. I just want you to know that I am here for you, OK Cor? That truly was what Lune wanted his son to know, as he held him gently against himself. As Cor started to relax against him, he could feel the sobs shake his young son s body, and as the sobs shook Cor s body, the very matter of the thing shook Lune s heart and soul to the very core.

I... kn... know that, Cor said through the broken sobs.

Although Lune could barely understand Cor, with his son s words he found himself knowing he had to give his son as much love as possible.

It was about fifteen minutes later before Cor tried to speak again. I m sorry, Cor said quietly pulling away from his father and trying futilely to wipe away the tears.

Cor, there is no need for you to be sorry. I just finished telling you that I am here for you and that includes now. Lune hurt for his son, but he didn t know what else to do or what else to say.

But there is. I have done so many stupid things. I just don t know why I do them. And there is a reason for me to apologize. Look at all the trouble my idiotic mistakes have caused. And I can t even guarantee that I won t do it again. Because when the urge hits me to do it... Cor was once again refusing to meet his father s eye with the shame he felt over the whole situation.

Cor look at me. Lune couldn t help but flinch when his son raised his eyes, but still refused to meet his gaze. You haven t caused any trouble. And they weren t idiotic mistakes. You were, and are hurting. I can see that. And I am not mad at you about it. In a instantaneous gesture Lune reached out, and once again wrapped his arm around his son.

Dad please. I just... Cor still couldn t bring himself to look at his father, no mattter what he said. He still felt too guilty. Too worthless.

Cor, I know that it is hard on you. And don t protest me taking care of you. I know that this is hurting you a lot. I just want you to trust me. But you have no reason to feel guilty. No reason to feel ashamed of yourself. And don t try telling me that you aren t when I can see it in your eyes that you are. Cor, I love you. I want you to know that, and I don t want you to feel as if you have done something that is so terrible. No, it isn t right, but you were and are hurting and you haven t known how to handle it. That isn t your fault. I know that you have been doing your best to do what is right. Lune wasn t sure what else to say and he knew he was repeating himself. But how was he supposed to handle this? He had just gotten his son back and not he was faced with this. He just didn t know what he was supposed to do.

I love you too. He didn t know what else to say. He wanted to make his father not feel bad about the whole thing. He had known that he would, and that was one of the reasons that he hadn t wanted his father or his brother to know. But after Peter and Edmund found out he had been forced to tell his father. Either that, or risk havind them tell. That certainly wouldn t have been good either. If possible, that might have been worse on his father than this had been, hearing it from someone else, without Cor being involved in explaining the whole thing. Finally Cor managed the courage to look up. But when he did, he wished he hadn t. He couldn t help but notice the pained, tearful look on his father s face. And what hurt even more than the fact that it was there, was the fact that he knew that he had caused it. He wished that he could keep the whole thing from ever having happened.

Lune didn t know what else to say, but he pulled his son a little closer, wanting more than anything to let him know that he was loved, that he wasn t worthless, that he hadn t done anything wrong, and that he wasn t mad at him.

Dad, Cor said, his voice faltering, and as he said it, he hesitated. He was scared out of his wits about what he was about to say, and what he would be telling his father that night, but he knew that it needed to be talked about, and that when they were already talking about it was as good of time as any. He just wasn t sure where to start, or how to explain it so that it would be the easiest for his dad to take. It wasn t going to be easy, no matter what, but maybe he could make it easier. He could start at the beginning with the first things he really remembered, or he could start explaining an average day, or he could explain the various types of days, or he could start at the end with what made him decide to run away. But no matter how many times he looked at the situation there was not a single easy way to do it. Any way he did it would be hard, and any way he did it would hurt his father. It terrified him, every time he imagined the horrified look that would be on his father s face as he told him everything.

What is it Cor? Whatever it is, please know that you don t have to be afraid. There is nothing you can say that can change one simple fact. That fact is that I love you, son. Lune could sense that this was going to be one of the most important things that his son had said so far, so he was making a conscious effort to make his son as comfortable as possible. Lune couldn t help but wonder what he was about to hear, and what kind of an impact it would have on what he had heard, and their lives, overall. While he didn t know, he did know that the impact would be huge.

I just... Cor knew he had to go with it while he could. He shook his head quietly as he tried to figure out how to get everything together and to tell his dad what had happened. I guess, what I am trying to say is that, well, I want to tell you what happened before...before you found me. He stopped not quite sure how to continue.

Cor, it is okay, whatever it is. You can tell me. Lune wanted to make sure that his son was okay, but he could tell that this was going to be hard to explain.

He made me work all the time. Sometimes even when I worked as hard as I could he hit me. Cor had to stop there, unable to continue, as the memories came flooding back to him.

When his son stopped, Lune knew exactly what to do. Even though he wasn t sure what was about to come next, or what the details were of what had already happened, he thought that the best thing to do would be to let his son talk, and let him know that he was there for him. Finally he decided to speak, as his son tried understand how to explain what had happened Cor, please don t feel as if you have to explain it all now. I am going to be here for as long as you ned me to. I want you to know that, okay son? Lune hoped that he had said the right thing, and that he had been right to speak at all. He couldn t help but feel nervous about dealing with all of this. He wanted nothing more than to take care of his son.

Cor nodded silently. Finally he said, I guess I just don t know how to explain it. It really hurts to talk about it, but I know I need to. It was really hard. I tried so hard to do what he wanted me to do, but it never worked. Sometimes he would just ignore me, but that was only if I did everything the way he wanted me too. But if it wasn t perfect or if he didn t have a good day...

Cor stopped there, and Lune longed to hear the rest of his son s story. But he would just have to wait. After a few moments of Cor not saying anything Lune almost pressed his son for information. But when he looked at his son and saw him crying he opted not to. Instead he gently reached over and wrapped his arm around his son. Don t worry about it Cor. Just take your time. I will be here as long as you need me to be. Lune felt that his words were repetitive and inadequate but he didn t know what else to say.

Dad, Cor finally managed to say. If he didn t think I did enough work or if he thought that I didn t do it right, or if he didn t have a good day, he... he would hitme. Cor didn t say anything more, he just waited on his father s reaction. It had been hard to rell, but it WAS a relief to know that his father knew what had happened to him. Well some of it. What Cor knew that he really needed to do, was to go into detail about the whole thing. To tell his dad about how often thatman had beaten him. To tell him how painful it was, both physically and emotianally. But what Cor wondered was if he could do it. Could he work up the courage to explain the whole thing? Could he come up with a way to explain without hurting his father anymore than he already had? He knew he needed too, but what reason did he have when it would be so hard for him to tell, and so hard for his father to hear.

Oh Cor... Lune stopped there. He knew he had to be even more cautious than he had been before, now that he knew this. His heart ached for all that his son had endured. I know it hurts, but I love you, and that is over now. You are safe here, and I am going to take care of you. Lune was at a loss for words for a few moments, but then added as an afterthought, And Corin loves you so much. He thinks of you as his best friend. He is so glad to have a brother, and he loves you a lot. He has been very worried about you lately. Lune instantly regretted adding the part about Corin worrying, because instantly his son s face became crestfallen, and Lune could see the pain and guily written all over the boy s face. Then he quickly added, hoping to undo some of the damage, but he has only been so worried because he loves you. He is so glad to have a brother, and he can t stand the though that anything could hurt you or make you unhappy here. He just loves you. That is all there is to it. Hopefully that fixed some of it, Lune thought worriedly to himself.

I just wish I didn t have to worry you or him. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do. I...

Lune cut him off calmly, I know that, and Corin knows that you aren t trying to do anything to upset him. Now, I am not pushing you, but I think you might want to think about telling him some of this in the foreseeable future too. I can go with you if you want, but that is up to you. I just think he would want to know, so that he can understand a little bit better why you have acted the way you have, and why you get so upset sometimes. Besides, you think I haven t noticed, because you told your guards not to tell me, but I know that you have been having nightmares. And since Corin is sleeping in the next room over from yours, I am sure he knows too. I just think that you might want to help him understand what has been going on.

I guess I should tell Corin pretty soon. If you don t mind though, I would kind of like to tell him alone. He was asking me what was wrong the other day and I promised him that I would tell him soon. I will go tell him as soon as I finish talking to you. Cor laughed nervously and said, I guess today is just a day for nice long interesting conversations, isn t it?

I guess so, Cor. Now, I don t mean to rush you, but whenever you are ready, you can continue with... Lune nearly choked trying to come up with the words to ask his son to continue telling his horrifying story of what had happened, with your story.

I am sorry. Cor s voice was unnaturally quiet. I didn t mean to get off track. I really wasn t trying to avoid telling you, I just...

Oh, Cor. You didn t do anything wrong. It was I who changed the subject slightly. There was no wrong doing, certainly not on your part. It just about broke Lune s heart to hear his son sounding so guilty over something so trivial. He clenched his fists, trying to avoid letting his anger at the man whom had harmed his son become evident. He certainly didn t need to act angry in front of Cor. With the way he was acting, Lune suspected that he felt guilty over any and every small thing that went wrong.

I guess not. Cor couldn t help but feel that he had done something wrong, but then he had felt like that for as long as he could remember. The only difference was that now he felt guilty for feeling guilty when he thought he had done something wrong. Now it felt as if he shouldn t blame himself for those things. But, I guess I should continue now. He paused as he tryed to slip himself back into his memories enough to tell his father what had transpired, but not enough that it would result in him bursting into tears again. That was just another thing to feel guilty for. Every time he cried, he saw the way it hurt his father, and he couldn t help but feel as if he had done something wrong. So he was just going to have to figure out how to completely hide his emotions when he needed too.

But just then, as if he had read his son s mind, Lune said firmly, and I don t want you to start trying to hide things from me. And I don t just mean things you have done, or things that have happened to you. I also mean your feelings. You don t have to be an open book, but you certainly don t need to try to mask your emotions. Sometimes in public we do, but with me and with Corin, you can be completely honest. And with a lot of our friends. There is no reason to hide our emotions. In fact, I believe that was part of your problem. There are times that you just need to be honest with people. Lune stopped there, as he realized that he had sounded as if he were scolding. The few months that he had had with Cor had proved him to be very sensitive to any scoldings, and now Lune knew why.

So, he hurt me a lot. He beat me when I did something that he didn t like or when I didn t do something that he wanted me to do. It hurt a lot. I am so glad to be here, now, Dad. It is so much better here. Even when I have nightmares, I have you and Corin to make sure that I am okay, and to take care of me. Thank you so much. I really do appreciate it. I guess that is one good thing that has come out of everything I went through before I ran away. I know how to appreciate things so much more. Cor managed to say softly.

Cor, I know that must have been very hard for you. And yes, you most certainly do know how to appreciate things much better than most people do. Lune had to work hard not to get choked up as he talked to his son. There was something that I was wondering if you would do.

Sure. Cor said, his voice a little stronger now. He had managed not to cry as he finished most of what he had to tell his father. Go ahead and tell me. I can probably do whatever it is. He couldn t believe how trusting of his father he had become. A couple of months ago, he never would have dreamed of saying something like that. Now he could, and he couldn t help but love it. He had a family, and he had friends that had become much like family.

Cor, did... did what he did to you leave scars?

Cor wasn t prepared for the question, and it took him a moment to answer, yeah, I... I guess so... I mean, yes, it did. He knew that his answer sounded ridiculous, but the truth was, that was the last thing he had expected. He didn t know what he had expected, but he knew that it certainly hadn't been that. He looked questioningly at his father, wondering why on earth his father wanted to know that, of all things. Maybe he didn't have a reason, but it had certainly caught him off guard. He shifted nervously, as he waited to find out why his father had asked him that.

Could I see them, please? I know it probably isn t very comfortable for you, but I would really like to see them. I think it would help me to understand.

I... I guess so. As uncomfortable as it was, Cor slowly took off his shirt to allow his father to see the numerous scars that adorned his back.

When Lune saw Cor s back, it hurt him deeply. The fact that someone had dared to harm his son this way, so many times, as was obvious from Cor s words, and from the various stages of scarring in the wounds. Gently Lune reached forward and pulled his son to him.

As Cor relaxed and let his father hold him he knew that it would be okay. Yes he still had to explain the whole thing to his brother, yes he would still have days that it was a struggle to keep himself from cutting, and he couldn t guarantee that he wouldn t mess up again, but now that his dad knew, it would be okay, somehow. And soon his brother would know, and he knew that he could count on the fact that Corin would be there for him. Yes, somehow, it would be okay.

A/N: Please read and review. I stayed up really late several nights and until four last night writing this. I really appreciate the reviews. After this there will either be one more chapter and the epilogue or an extremely long epilogue. Please PM me or let me know in your review if you have a preference.

A/N 2: Please check out my story on FictionPress. I am under the same name on there, or you can find a link to the story on my profile.

Thanks for reading!

M ge Der Lowe Mit Euch Sein Und Sein Segen Euch Begleiten,  
Ashleigh 


	7. Epilogue

A week later things were pretty much back to normal. The Narnian kings and queens were still visiting and Cor and Corin were back to causing trouble. But there was still one problem. Cor had not been able to bring himself to tell his brother what he had done. Corin knew something was definintely been going on, because King Lune had barely let Cor out of his sight, and he made sure that Cor was never alone for long. But Corin still had no clue as to what it was that was going on and he was worried about his brother. They were joking around more, and his brother appeared to be the happiest he had been since he had arived in Archenland, but still, Corin was worried. He felt that he needed to know, so that he could be there for Cor. He had to come up with a way to get Cor to tell him. He had tried tricking him into telling him what had been going on, but maybe he should just confront his brother. As they snuck back out of the kitchen after snagging some cake in a couple on pieces of cloth and sticking them in their pockets, Corin tried to figure out exactly what to say. When they got outside they quickly slipped into the orchard and started to climb up into an apple tree. Cor seemed happier than he ever had, but Corin still felt that he had to know.

He took a deep breath and managed to finally ask what he had been wanting to for over a week. "Cor?"

"Yeah?" Cor answered as he absently started to unfold his napkinful of stolen sweets.

"There is something that I have been wanting to ask you. I have tried to figure out exactly what has been going on with you without coming right out and asking, because you told me that you would tell me when you were ready, but I really want to know. You are my brother, and I care about you, and I just want to make sure that you are alright. I just want to know so that I can help you with whatever it is. Can't you understand that?" His voice trailed off, not exactly sure whether he had done the right thing, or said the right thing, or even if he should have said anything at all. Maybe he should have just waited on his brother to tell him.

"Corin, I know that I should have told you sooner, but I just wasn't ready. And to be honest, I am not sure that I am ready now, but I know that you want to know and I know that you only want to know so that you can help me, so I will tell you, but it isn't going to be easy for either of us, and I just want to warn you of that ahead of time. Okay?" Cor said all of it in one breath. He was more nervous about telling his rambunctious brother than he was his dad. His dad was aware of the kinds of things that had happened to him, and he had known that his dad would at least be somewhat calm about it, but he had no idea whatsoever about how Corin would react. Okay he had been scared out of his wits to tell his dad too, but at least he had had King Peter to help him. He took a deep breath trying to calm himself without making it obvious to his brother just how nervous he was about explaining the whole thing. He knew that it would hurt his brother to know just how deeply everything had hurt him, and just how hard it was to talk about it, even to Corin.

"Okay, Cor. You really don't have to worry about me freaking out or anything. I am going to try to be really calm about whatever it is. I know that will probably help you, won't it?" Corin wasn't sure why he said all of that, but he hoped he was helping his brother. He could tell that Cor was really nervous, and not doing a very good job of hiding it, although it was obvious that he was trying not to show it.

"I don't know how to tell you this, because I know that it is really going to upset you, and I hate to do that, but I guess I have to explain it soon. It wasn't just that they made me work back there..." And then he launched into his story for the second time, but this time trying to explain it so that his brother would understand. His dad knew what went on in the kind of situations he had been in, but is brother didn't and that made it all the harder to explain. By the time he finished his story Corin was in tears and Cor wasn't sure exactly what to do.

Finally Corin managed to put himself together enough to tell his brother what he had been thinking the whole time. "I wish I had know sooner so that I could have helped you. I hate it that you felt that way. I'm sorry."

"It certainly isn't your fault. I should have known better. Then I never would have been in this mess."

"You shouldn't blame yourself."

"I know. That is what Dad said too."

"So, do you think you have really quit? Like you won't do it again?"

"I hope so. I don't like doing it. It scares me every time I do it. There have been multiple times every day that I have felt like doing it, but the past two days it hasn't been quite as bad. I haven't gotten too, though. Either Peter or Edmund or Dad has been there to stop me."

"And now you have me too," Corin said in an almost overly cheerful voice.

It wasn't going to be easy, they both knew that, but now Cor's family knew, and somehow, somehow it would be alright. He would still feel like he needed to cut himself sometimes, and there would be days that he still was hurting over what had happened to him, and it would be hard to deal with it, but now that his dad and his brother knew, he wouldn't have half a chance to slip back into the mess that had bound him for months. Yes, it would be alright.

A/N: So, I hope all of you liked it. As I said, this was something that I felt I really needed to write because I used to struggle with it. I hope I haven't offended anyone, but if I have, I won't apologize, because of what I just said.

A/N 2: So now my focus will be on A Narnian Mystery. However I can't promise frequent updates, because I am working on getting some stuff ready for college (a.k.a. West Point). But it is going to take a lot of work because I need a lot of math and science (which I don't like). :)

God Bless,  
Ashleigh 


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